a night of freedom

Tonight, I had the privilege of seeing David Crowder's Neon Steeple tour.  Originally, I didn't want to go because I thought the $30 ticket was way too much.  So dad said "I really think you should go" and handed me the money to buy my ticket.  I rushed toward FHC immediately after work, fearing there would be traffic and I wouldn't end up getting a ticket.  But as I was driving on I-485 toward Johnston Road, there was not one single moment when I saw brake lights ahead of me.  ZERO traffic in a usually jammed stretch of unfinished highway.  I arrived at church around 6:30 and was able to purchase a ticket at the tent outside.  I was expecting to either get caught in traffic and not be able to get a ticket, or was worried that tickets would be sold out when I got there.  

So I started thinking, "wow.  God must really want me here tonight".  I saw my dear, dear friend Abby when I walked in and she asked me to sit with her, her boyfriend, and a few other people.  I, of course, go to sit with them (who better to hang out with than church friends?).  All of us sitting in that row are either worship leaders or have such a strong passion for worship.  We stood in the front while All Sons and Daughters was leading us in worship and closed our eyes, lifted our hands, cried if we needed to, and sang at the top of our lungs.  I felt free.  Free to cry.  Free to raise my hands.  Free to be silent.  Free to sing as loudly as I could.  

I started realizing that worship is not something that has to be done in one specific way.  You don't have to sing perfectly in tune or raise your hands at the right time.  You can kneel, sit, stand, lay face down on the floor.  You can be silent, sing louder than anyone else, or sing only when you feel led to.  Worship is so much more than singing along to songs and going through the motions.  It comes from the heart.  An outpouring of the love we have for the Father.  

Every time I have opened my mouth to sing lately, I make sure that I'm only singing something that I truly believe.  If I'm singing "Great are you, Lord" I want to know that I believe it.  And you know what?  I do.  Tonight helped me to realize that even when we are aching, exhausted, devastated, heartbroken, God is still great and He still loves us.  So it's okay to be singing "great are you, Lord" with tears streaming down your face because you are saying that He is great even through the circumstances of life that are wearing you down.  

Crowder was PHENOMENAL.  I was not expecting it to be so much fun.  From electronic music to an acoustic, front-porch style singing of some old songs, to a straight up hoedown, I worshiped, danced around, looked like a fool, and had no shame about doing so.  Being David Crowder, we ended the night with "How He Loves".  It started out with the standard recording of it, with full band, and slowly, band members left the stage until it was just David and his acoustic guitar.  He led us in the chorus over and over.  "He loves us.  Oh how He loves us".  I kept singing.  Kept repeating from my heart to my voice.  I eventually opened my eyes and realized that David had left the stage and the congregation was still singing that beautiful chorus.  I had gotten lost in worship and in the beauty of the Father.  My heart forgot the pain of what is happening around me.  It released all of those fears, anxieties, and burdens for a time long enough to unashamedly and completely worship Him.  

Thank You, God, for working everything out for me to go tonight.  For giving me time to worship you and not have any hindrances around me.  Thank you for the freedom that You give to us.