true worship

This evening, my sweet friend Kaitlyn sent me a text simply asking, "how are you doing?".  I was honest with her, things have been better.  She responded not with some cliche "God has a plan for everything" line, but with something real, acknowledging that what's going on absolutely sucks.  I am eternally grateful for her friendship.

My friends are the best.  I seriously don't know how I would be making it through all of this without them!  From bringing us meals, cleaning our house, or just lending a listening ear and offering a hug, they have been such a blessing.  Every person that knows what is going on with my dad has been so quick to offer up anything they can give to help.  The kindness, selflessness, and generosity everyone has showed has been uplifting beyond words.  

Lately, spending time with dad has consisted of sitting in his room with him and watching baseball or Family Feud on TV together.  It may not be getting into deep conversation or anything, but we talk about how sloppy that last play was.  Or how smooth that hit looked.  Or how amazing that catch was.  Baseball is such a beautiful game that we both love (and can actually understand).  We may not be asking and answering the hard questions of life, but we are able to spend time together.  Sometimes, there's no talking at all.  Just a simple, "how was your day?" replied to with a "good" or sometimes "not so good".  And that is okay.  Taking advantage of all of the time that we have is so necessary.  We say our "I love you"s as I walk out of his room, and into mine.  Somehow, it makes everything feel okay for a bit.  

The lyrics to the Bethel version of "It Is Well" have been speaking to me recently.  It brings a strange sense of peace to me and helps my heart to be still for a moment.  

Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
And seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on you
It is well with me

Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can't see
And this mountain that's in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on you
Through it all, through it all
It is well
Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you
It is well
It is well

So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His Name
So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His Name
The waves and wind still know His Name

It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

A few weeks ago, I played acoustic guitar at church and was kind of in the shadows, but I was able to watch the vocalists and how they were worshipping.  One woman on our team, Kasandra, was just diagnosed with breast cancer.  SHE WAS UP THERE SINGING THOSE WORDS.  It moved me to tears to see that in the darkest moment, our souls can find a way to trust and say "Lord, no matter what, it is well with me".  

So truly, I want to be like Kasandra.  To worship freely and trustingly, even in my darkest hour.